


Shattered

by selenamasters95



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 04:34:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3343835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selenamasters95/pseuds/selenamasters95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam has been living in his own personal hell for seven years. Can Dean help him get out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me while I was at lunch at work on Wednesday. I hope you guys like it :D

Moonlight filled the cold, dark motel room through the open blinds. He looked up from where he sat at the small table to take a look at the sleeping figure, his hazel eyes filled with pain and longing. It had been seven years since he told his brother his true feelings but Dean had shot him down and shot him down hard. He struggled with the hurt, the pain of knowing others got to have what he’d always wanted and still wants if he was being with himself. Most days he could bury it but it was nights like these when everything seemed to stand still in a rare peace when that pain reared its ugly head and he was left gasping for breath like he was drowning. When he was assaulted with nightmares filled with images of Dean’s disgust, his hatred that Sam knew he was hiding. He felt his eyes burn with unshed tears as he his own self-hatred filled his being. He had hoped time would’ve healed his internal wounds but it only served to deepen them as Sam had been forced to watch him with Lisa, watch him take home the other one-night stands. He wanted to curl up, scream, cry, anything to get his longing for Dean out of his mind, heart, and body. He picked up the gun that was beside him on the table, the metal gleaming in the silver light. His thoughts grew into a whirlwind as a huge part rejected the notion of selfishly abandoning his brother but a smaller part held to the belief that Dean would be happier, that he’s more selfish for staying here where Dean would be forced to take care of him.  
His long fingers stroked the cold metal, terror building within him. His grip on the gun tightened, his stomach rolling, threatening to bring up everything he forced himself to eat that day. He tried to convince himself to stand and walk out of the room, gun tightly in hand to prevent Dean from hearing, but he couldn’t himself to move. His hazel eyes were dark with pain as the more he thought of leaving, the more it felt like he was betraying his brother. The first sob broke through before he could stop it and then he was gone. He shook. almost rocking himself back and forth in the chair, sobs tearing through his body.  
“Sam?!” A gruff, low, sleep-filled voice broke into his mind. He fell to his knees on the hard carpet, gun clutched to his chest as it became more difficult for him to sit up in the chair. He fought the hands that were trying to get him to sit back as he felt his stomach pitch. A wastebasket appeared in front of him before he was sick on the floor. After emptying his stomach of its contents, he was pushed back and given a glass of water. Sam felt white-hot shame flash through him as he sipped the water while avoiding Dean’s eyes. He struggled to stand, to put some space between him and his concerned brother, but said concerned brother wasn’t letting him.  
“Dean..” he started, his voice raw from crying. He kept trying to move.  
“Sam stop.”Dean ordered as he struggled to keep his little brother still. Dean wrestled him over to the bed furthest from the door and made him sit at the foot of it. “What's wrong.” he demanded. Sam swallowed hard and refused to look at his brother. “Sammy...look at me...” Dean’s voice softened as his big brother radar kept going off. He finally grabbed his brother’s jaw and forced him to look at him. “Tell me what’s wrong Sam.”  
“No point. You already think I’m sick...” Sam muttered. Dean felt a cold feeling shoot down his spine at those words. Sam started to try to curl in on himself, trying to hide from Dean. “I’m sorry....I can’t...I tried...for seven years...I...”” Sam’s voice softened as he struggled to get the words out, his lungs burning with the effort. “Please...I...” He trailed off uncertain of what he was begging for. Fresh tears burned his eyes and he quickly looked away. Dean couldn’t bring himself to do more than watch his normally strong little brother fall apart before his eyes. He felt himself swallow hard as several thoughts crashed through his mind. Sam felt the last bit of his heart shatter as he glance at Dean to see an unreadable mask over his brother’s face. Dean’s mind was quickly losing to his heart as he struggled to not give in. As he watched the last bit of hope and life start to fade from Sam’s glistening hazel eye his decision was made for him. He gently took the gun from his brother’s hands and set it aside on the bed. Sam watched him, fear and uncertainty coursing through him. Dean leaned forward and gingerly took his face between his hands and pressed his lips to Sam’s softly. Sam instantly froze, the hope that had been dying inside instantly flaring to life. Before he could react, Dean pulled back from him. Sam stared at him as Dean began to gently stroke his cheek with his thumb.  
“I’m sorry Sam...” he whispered, tossing out his no chick-flick moment rule for the night. “I’m sorry I put you through this. I’m sorry I was too scared to accept what you said back then...” Dean paused to run a hand through Sam’s hair. “I can’t take back the pain from the last seven years. I can’t take back the words I said that day. I’ve been fighting the feelings...I ...I just didn’t feel like I could accept them because I was a coward...and now I”m scared I’m gonna lose you because of that cowardice. If i stop running...will you give me a chance?” Dean asked quietly still stroking Sam’s cheek. Sam stared at him, trying to process his words.  
“You...you...” He swallowed, unable to formulate a sentence. He briefly feared that this was all a dream.  
“I love you Sam..” Dean whispered, noticing how Sam tensed at the emotion behind words he never thought he would hear. “Can I kiss you?” Dean asked softly. Sam nodded hesitantly. Dean leaned close to him, a brief smile dancing across his lips. He seemed to hesitate a moment then pressed his lips to Sam’s in a slow kiss. Sam kissed him back hesitantly, hoping coursing through him that this was actually happening. As Dean pulled back a second time, Sam felt cold metal on his bare chest. He glanced down and saw his muzzle of his gun on his chest, pointed directly over his heart. He looked slowly up at Dean, confusion and fear battling in his too wide hazel eyes.  
“I...I thought...I...” he stuttered, his chest heaving in panic.  
“Good bye Sam.” Dean’s beautiful green eyes cold as he pulled the trigger, shattering what was left of Sam’s heart.  
Sam’s eyes snapped open as he sat up quickly, his chest heaving and glistening with sweat. He stumbled to the bathroom and emptied his dinner into the trash can. Not a minute later, he felt fingers stroking his hair as a glass of water appeared in front of him.  
“Nightmare?” The low gruff voice of his brother asked. Sam just nodded as he sipped the water to rinse his mouth out. Dean led him back out to the king sized bed in their motel room and made him sit down. Sam stared at his hands. “Sammy...?” Dean asked. Sam looked up at him, fear evident in his eyes.  
“You don’t...regret us right? You don’t think I’m sick....?” He asked quietly, looking back at his hands.  
“Considering we made love after dinner...no...I don’t regret us and you are not sick...Sam....” Dean put his fingers under Sam’s jaw and raised it so he could look him in the eyes.  
“Kiss me?” Sam asked, embarrassed that he felt the need to be reassured but the nightmare scared him badly. Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips to Sam’s in a soft reassuring kiss. Sam kissed him back the fear in his belly slowly uncoiling. Dean pulled back and stroked his cheek.  
“Lay down with me Sam...try to sleep.” Dean asked him gently. Sam nodded and both he and Dean got back under the covers. Sam automatically curled up against Dean’s side, his head resting over his heart. He closed his eyes at the feeling of Dean’s fingers stroking his spine and felt a small smile grace his lips as the last bit of fear uncoiled.  
“Love you....” he mumbled sleepily. Dean kissed the top of his head.  
“Love you Sammy...” Dean smiled faintly as he watched Sam sleep for a minute before following him.


End file.
